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All 11 movie Reviews

TMS2 #21, 22, and 23 TMS2 #21, 22, and 23

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars

Amazing. No, really.

This feature had the following qualities:

1. Generic, cliche, unoriginal anime artwork.

2. Some of the worst geek humor I've ever seen implemented in a movie that didn't star a 4 year old school girl in a panda bear suit.

3. Absence of any real animation.

4. No plot, purpose, or cohesive storyline.

5. Awesome 80s childhood cartoon names that give the average 9 year old a feeling of "totally killer" such as "Shade" or "Speed."

So the only potential score raising attribute was the artwork.

Now before the "artist" or others decide to flame me with shit like:

"it takes talent" and "he's a good artist and I'd like to see you do better"

let me clear a few things up:

1. ANYONE can draw like that with the right guidelines and a week of time to burn.

2. There is nothing original about it. It's factory anatomy with no creative value.

3. It's overdone and obnoxious.

4. It's blatantly disturbing. Sexual themes, excessive violence, and obscure storylines. Now consider the fact they almost always look about 12 years old. Add in the strange coincidence that a lot of asian models look about half their age(japanese schoolgirl outfit is quite popular) and you have a recipe for closet/confused pedophiles who are big fans of this fucking shit.

I know I have some anger management problems, but at least I'm not a sexually confused pervert.

I guess I just wasted a lot of my time writing this, but at least I got to vent.

The Friend The Friend

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars


It kinda pisses me off when people expect good reviews on a FLASH TALENT site simply because the actual content in their movie is based on something tragic. Kenny, I'm sorry your friend died. Really, I am. It sucks to lose a friend or a loved one. However, the flash movie itself was poor at best, and doesn't deserve a high score. This kind of thing would be voted off if it weren't about losing someone.

Sorry, you have my sympathy, but not my vote. You get a 0.

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dedication to my mother dedication to my mother

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars

Sorry Man

Look, I'm sorry your mom died, but this movie was not necessary for NG submission. The movie itself is worth no more than a 1, for shape tweening poorly hand-drawn graphics with music in the background.
And you fucking asshole idiots that voted 10 just because you felt bad for his mom, you voted based on pity and emotion, not the movie itself.

Again, I'm sorry about your mom, but your movie sucked.

Hack The Planet Hack The Planet

Rated 0 / 5 stars

I hope you get hit by a car.

This movie was the absolute pitiful fucking movie ever generated by Flash.

If I were Macromedia, I would sue you for the mental and physical pain you have inflicted upon the unsuspecting individuals such as myself.

The way you depicted the pain and suffering of the innocent computer criminals with your flawless graphical detail and .. wait. Wait this movie sucked. I was thinking of something else.

Perhaps you should add to your credits, a special thank you to the young handicapped man smoking cock for crack on the corner in the aid of your stick figure artistry.

If you do not find some way to return the last 4 minutes of my life to me, I will kill your dog.

Please Die.



Ass N Titties Ass N Titties

Rated 2 / 5 stars

Canada Girl Shut the Fuck Up

I wasn't crazy about the video, but felt obligated to write a review in response to feminist leader bitch CanadaGirl.

Shut up. Seriously. The guy that did this movie obviously did it as a joke, and I highly doubt he was making some attempt at getting laid in doing so. Not to mention he created the music and probably thought it would be funny to sync it with a Flash 'toon. I can't stand angry dumb bitches like you. Crying and moaning every time a guy calls a woman's breast 'tits.' You want to talk about insecurity. You're probably fat as fuck or a scrawny joke which 'psychologically' would send you to write a review attacking someone for a video in this genre. So shut the fuck up and leave it alone.

Oh, and about your ignorant comment about 'guys like him not getting anywhere.' I personally know corporate executives (VPs, President, Managers) in large companies who make more money than your whole fucking family combined and treat women like shit, and see them as nothing but sex objects. I'm not saying its right, but its something to think about when making such an ignorant dumbfuck statement such as yours.

Peace Out,


Warhed 4 ep1 Warhed 4 ep1

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Credit where it's due.

Dark Entity deserves credit on several levels.
1- Innovation. The concept of WarHed itself is a new idea to 'toons in general. He came up with this idea and managed to get a lower score than half the assholes that submit redundant copycat artsy fartsy shit taken from other movies in the portal. Warhed is a cool idea and a fun concept.
2- Effort and Time. He spent a shitload of time and effort on this movie. Anyone that knows anything about Flash knows just the first few scenes would have taken a lot of tweening and animation. That's a lot of time.
3- Art. Though I see complaints about his use of basic shapes, I think you're seeing his style, not the extent of his skill. He does those characters well for what they are. I see throughout his movies little pieces where I can see he knows how to draw. Just because someone does something with geometric shapes or variations doesn't mean they suck. It means thats what they're choosing to do.
4- Music. The music wasn't my personal choice, (cept some old skool 311 which was sweet :)) but the fact that he obviously streamed it to synchronize it with the movie takes time and effort as well.

Props to you my man, good job.



Scatman's Let It Go Scatman's Let It Go

Rated 0 / 5 stars


This fucking sucks. The first one fucking sucked and it's only gotten worse. Animated Counterstrike characters and shitty Scatman music with a black morphing blob over his mouth is not appealing. Though according to a lot of the fucking idiots voting it's astounding talent. I can't even fucking believe people give this kind of horseshit a 10. This is exactly the reason the portal is so fucked up. Not because of the gimps submitting this crap, but more so because of the fucking cocksmokers voting high for it.



Scatman's Cotton Eye Joe Scatman's Cotton Eye Joe

Rated 0 / 5 stars

Please stop.

I can only hope the author gets hit by a fucking truck.

If anyone voted over a 2 for this they deserve to be shot.



I Know You I Know You

Rated 0.5 / 5 stars

You've gotta be fucking kidding.

Bleh. This movie was given a high vote because it managed to appeal to a bunch of Circle Jerking Magic: The Gathering players. Geeks unite! Bah this movie was shit, and anyone that gave this movie over a 1 deserves a fucking kick in the skull.



Chinese Restaurant Chinese Restaurant

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Damn Good

First off: CatWorshiper - Shut the fuck up.

Pray to your God if you ever cross my path. I fucking loathe idiots like you.

With that said, good job Ben. The movie is funny and the graphics are pretty well drawn. I got a good laugh. Thanks for bringing quality to the Portal.